Get your Resiliency Back
Last time, I told you the story of Erin...I mean Karen, and her struggles living an “endurance” lifestyle. Spoiler alert…it didn't work out very well for her.
As I confessed last week, I’m a recovering “just-push-through-er”. Honestly, every time someone asked me how I was been doing over the past 4 years, I replied “tired” at least 75% of the time. I got so sick of hearing myself say it, but so much of the time it was the first word that came to mind. And, deep down part of me wanted to be “tired” because if I was working hard, that meant my life was worth something. What a horrible and destructive cycle!
As it turns out, expats are notorious for “pushing through” with a mindset of endurance leading to exhaustion. I began to realize this listening to Sundae Schneider-Bean discuss the topic on her podcast Expat Happy Hour. In Episode 16 , she makes it crystal clear what I had been lacking: Resiliency. The ability to bend without breaking. Far too often, we expats treat our lives overseas as if we are super-humans. We push through struggles, ignoring the fact that living cross-culturally and constantly adapting to new-ness is draining. But like Sundae says, “you put your success, satisfaction and relationships on the line when you fail to adopt a resilience mindset.”
She was right. I was starting to recognize that while I thought “pushing through” was some kind of courageous act, in that I was putting everyone “first”, the truth is that everyone around me was beginning to suffer because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was far from showing up as my “best self”, and my friends and family were feeling the effects.
Anybody with me on this? I know I’m not alone. If you feel depleted and are lacking the ability to bend without breaking, the good news is it’s never too late to make changes. Over the past month I’ve been intentionally pursuing a resiliency mindset and I feel my energy and life coming back to me. It’s not a light switch that can be flipped overnight, and BAM, I’ve got my resiliency back. It takes time, but there are practical steps to start right away. Here’s what I’ve learned:
Recharging looks different for everyone
My favorite way to rest is by binge watching my favorite TV shows. No shame in moderation! My husband feels recharged by learning a new programming language. One thing that’s life giving to one person could be completely life sucking to another...and that’s a beautiful thing! The question is...do you know what recharges your batteries? If not, start paying attention! Second question…are you making time for this on a regular basis??
You’re (probably) in a rut.
Far too often, we settle into our routines and do the same thing day in and day out, even though we don’t really love what we’re doing. You might be craving change, but feel like you don’t have the ability to make it happen. Recently, due to the global pandemic, we’ve lost a lot of control we used to have. The ability to jump on a plane and travel. The control of working outside of the home. The assurance that school will provide consistent childcare. The notion that we can actually make plans because life will be somewhat predictable…ah…the good ole days…
It’s hard to feel like you don’t have control, and it can be tempting to throw in the towel, suck it up, and just keep going. Now of course, sometimes that’s exactly what we have to do (I’ve got some tips coming up in part 3 to help sort this dilemma out). For now, commit to focusing on what IS in your control. Where can you make a change? Where can you do something new? Sick of your exercise routine? What could you do differently? Has your work lost some of it’s pizzazz? Think of one way you can mix it up this week.
Invest in YOURSELF.
I knew I was stuck in a bad pattern of living an endurance lifestyle. It wasn’t working to be tired all the time and to snap at my kids every day. But the problem with being stuck is that you can’t really find your own way out. For MONTHS I told myself I was headed to burn out, but did I change anything…negative. The pivotal moment was during a session with my coach. She listened to my struggles and helped me find laser focus on the areas of my life that were ripe for change that I didn't even notice (because I was in a rut - see #2 - it’s a vicious cycle). She gave me the confidence to pursue life-giving change, permission to think outside of the box, and accountability to actually take action.
You deserve to invest in your happiness and your goals. What’s more valuable than living a life that works for you.
So the moral of the story today: no matter how stuck or exhausted you feel right now, there is a way out. It might not be easy to find, and you may not be able to do it on your own, but it’s there. If this rings true to you, stop what you’re doing and tell someone you need to make a change. You don’t have to know what that change is, but the simple act of telling someone will make it much more likely that you will take action.
And if you’re interested in one-to-one support, contact me for a free consultation.
We’re not done with this yet...Part 3 will provide a Resiliency Plan to get you started down the road of bending without breaking.
